I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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