Soap is not a condiment
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
