Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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