my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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