it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
