Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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