Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
