I just cut my nipple shaving
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
