best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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