Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
