Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
