We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
