New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
