I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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