1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
