I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
