Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Come on in and take your pants off
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