I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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