thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it hurts more in the daytime
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
