i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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