Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
