It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
