Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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