8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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