Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
