i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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