just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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