Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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