im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just gargled with NyQuil
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
