am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
