drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
