We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
