Are we in a gay sports bar?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
