i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
