Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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