Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
