yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
