we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
