ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
