i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
