oh god the rape fog is back!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
