I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
