you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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