Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
