take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
