FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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