anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
