Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
