I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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