His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
