hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
