how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
