Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
