when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
