i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Four minutes until I can fart!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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