She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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